This Would Be So Easy...

It would be so easy for me to walk away from him. It should be easy for me to just walk away. However, I can't. And it drives me up the fucking wall.

I want to tell Roger that I'm sick and tired of him being late. That I'm tired of him trying to change plans last minute. That he shouldn't let our friend, Mia, dictate parts of our relationship. That if this is how things are going to be, then I'm out.

But I can't say those things to him for some reason. I can't let those words come out of my mouth.

I guess I keep expecting him to do something majorly bad. Like cheat on me. Or tell me that he doesn't really want to move in with me. Or leave me. I'm waiting for it. Because when things are good, it's like nothing I've ever felt before. But when things are bad, I just don't want to talk to him. I've been more angry this week, then I have been for the past four months or so that I've been living here.

Most of the time I just want to talk it out. I want him to see why I'm so upset. And it's like he gets it. He understands. But only for that conversation, and then he forgets. And I get upset again and he wonders why.

I'm not going to let him think it's PMS, because that's just a cop-out.

And why the fuck does it matter if I've been a little moody lately? I'm a fucking severe depressive. At least I don't want to drive into La Jolla and jump off of one of the cliffs. If I were him, I'd take me being a little moody over me being suicidal any day.